granny10's Cancer Blog
March 5, 2010
When we were very young we wished we were tall enough, big enough to reach & do things. Then as we aged we wished we were old enough to date, drive a car, smoke, drink or even vote. Then all of a sudden, in a flash, we had family problems, worries, bills every where,our job was on shaky ground and to top that off, we were starting to have aging pains.We then wished we were young again without all of these worries. Does this ring any bells?
Now, on blog for a cure, our thinking is on a totally different level, but so is our life. We do not live like other people. It seems like we are in some crazy “ground hog day” movie, but the name of the movie is “cancer days”.
It is an X rated, horror movie & we are stuck inside the camera. Each day we go thru Drs app., lab test, xrays, blood tests, chemo, radiation, operations,more test, more treatments. Then it starts all over again, with no end in sight. In this movie our wishes have changed too. We now wish for healing, finding a cure, getting through chemo, getting pain meds that work, paying for all of this crap, getting through the night,praying for ourselves and others here in this same nightmare. It is a pity, but many of us pray for death too. Then when morning comes, we are so sorry for wishing what we did & ask for forgiveness. We wish for strength and courage instead. Our biggest wish now is that we survive this life, which we have been dealt. Cancer is something we would NEVER wish on any other person. At first we wished to be older, then we got older & wished to be younger. I guess the ole saying, “Be careful what you wish for” means something special to everyone, but here on this blog,
Hey girlfriend, I had you on my mind quite a bit lately as I have had the joy of visiting with TMay. Your right…one of my very favorite quotes, be careful watch you wish for.
I have been able to see Teresa on Thursdays when she comes for chemo and what a delight. Since we have been blog friends for so long, we are comfortable with each other, so I love her like a sister. You couldn’t meet a kinder, more caring soul. She is a true warrior.
Are you well? I love you down to earth thoughts, and it helps so much to remind my 14 yr. old…”Enjoy playing that game, or staying up late, just a few more years and the world of work will be you until you become very smart and learn that independently wealthy is the best route for life. Haha.
I love you lady, your always in my prayers, and I associate our friendship with laughter.
Sharron
Posted on So true, I find myself wishing these next few months would pass quickly, so i can get back to regular life “after cancer” but the truth is, I need to keep in mind that even if it’s 15 minutes of each day that I feel well, at least it is 15 minutes that I got to enjoy with my children. Focusing on the good part of each day makes the bad parts of the day just a lil bit easier to handle.
Posted on Sandy,
I can so relate to what you said. For cancer patients/survivors like us, “life” has so much deeper meanings. We are fighting for something that many people do not realize how precious it is. And, yes, it is X-Rated horror movie!
I hope you’re doing well.
Love,
Yuyu
Posted on Hey Sandy poo!
I’ve been bad this week and not on much…just too lazy. So good to see a post from you and your wisdomy (know that’s not a word but you know what I mean)thoughts.
I now realize that so many of the Others, myself included when I was an Other, spend their lives wishing it away! Instead, the one thing cancer has taught me is to love, I mean really love, the here and now. Don’t waste your time wishing for something better to come along…including the cancer.
My husband last week, when we were talking about the blood clot I have and going back on the daily shots in the stomach, said, “I just wish you didn’t have to do any of this!” Well, I’m so past wishing it away…that’s not going to happen. BUT, I have today and probably tomorrow so I’m going to enjoy the time that that has been given to me.
Good thoughtful post.
Always love and hugs to you sweetheart.
Teresa
Posted on January 15, 2010
OK…. Only those of us who have or had cancer will truly understand where I’m coming from. Our family, close friends & all of our love ones, stand beside us, hold our hands when we are hurting, hold our heads when we are hugging, that, you know what…. Cry with us when we cry….. try to make us laugh when they can….drive us when we can’t drive….cook for us, when we can’t…even help us to eat.
BUT…. in the wee small hours of the night, when all around us are sleeping & we are in pain, either physical or mental….. we are ALONE.
Our kind of physical pain is horrible, by it’s self, but by
adding the MENTAL pain, it is sometimes worse. When the night is quiet, & we can’t sleep because we hurt, all we can think of is…......
” Oh my God, I’m hurting & it is growing inside of me again”
The truly sad part of this story is….. this happens more often than we will ever admit too. I hope when this happens to you….. & you are all alone in the middle of the night….. you will think of me (& others) who have walked this lonely, lonely path. I don’t know if this will help you, but morning WILL come. I don’t know why or how, but with the mornings light, we put back on our armor, fighting gloves & the happiest face we can muster up. Then we go back out to fight for Life AGAIN.
Remembering…..Any day is a good day, when we wake up looking down at the dirt, instead of up through it!
What we do ....... in the wee small hours of the night......., 
6 comments)
My Sweet Sandy!
Are you talking to me or what? Though I’ve always been a night owl…it has gone way to far for me. Last night bed came around 5 am. But managed to get up around 10…still not good. Night time is the time my brain goes into overdrive.
It worries and frustrates my family to no end! Makes me feel like I’m yet again some kind of failure cause I can’t conform to what they think I should be doing…which adds to my stress,,,and so on.
I hate mornings…unless I can look at it from a comfortable bed, roll over and doze a while longer.
But like you said (and I love the saying) Any day is a good day, when we wake up looking down at the dirt, instead of up through it!
Big hugs to you and I’ll try to catch you on the phone this weekend.
T
You are in my head, OMG, thank you for those words of wisdom. Sleep lasts until about 2 if I am lucky, then I am learning to put the IPOD on, music helps me more than anything. Keeps the tears silent, and your right, light brings back the fighting shell. Of course I have my lovely Bonnie Raitt, Stevie Ray, Eric Clapton, but when Canon in D Major hits all is well. How could it not with the beauty we know is there and make sure we see each and every second possible. I love you, thanks so much for writing. Peace, Sharron
Very well said, Sandy. I love your blogs. I am one of those survivors who still keeps up with everybody on BFAC so please add my name to the “list” of supporters for the ones who are in their own cancer battlefields at this time.
Take care everyone.
Posted on there is some comfort knowing that i am not the only person laying in bed awake and in pain. Today my son played a song on the guitar ‘boulevard of broken dreams” where the lyrics include “i walk alone” “my shadow’s the only one who walks beside me.” And I do feel so alone through all of this. Knowing there are others out there who have been there and pulled through, makes is less lonely. thanks for the new perspective. I needed it today.
Just wanted to come on here and say that I had one of these nights last night. Have them more often than not, but had one last night. And the pain part is sooooo true, my back was aching and sent me into an emotional turmoil, was by myself, kids at their dads. So I was here alone with my thoughts. Back ache probably just from bad mattress and sleeping in an uncomfortable position, but that would be too easy of an explanation! LOL
Posted on Okay, we all need TRUTH shirts! I laughed so hard that I cried. That was a pricelsss note you left on my blog.
I wory it’s growing in the weee hours of the night as well, but how much more can it grow. I really do not want to find out. Cancer so sucks and I am so sick of it!
I love you dear friend…
Sonia
Posted on 
Thanks for your support - 
